Kim Jong-un caught with a phone! But what would Chinavasion recommend for him?

6.2.2013. | 17:43

The ‘Dear Leader’ is making headlines again but not because of another failed missile launch, or he has decided to execute everyone that did not finish all their rice but instead he was pictured with a mobile phone. “Well that is nothing special, many people have a phone” I heard you say, well as true as that might be this is North Korea where they forbid everything to their citizens and even considered making breathing a privilege. Many people in North Korea only ever experience a few electronic devices in their life such as a radio that cannot be turned off but only turned down that repeats propaganda about the North Korean party, some lucky people in the nation’s capital get to watch a TV but again the stuff that is on there is repetitive crap about how lucky they are and of course some get to use a computer with a connection, however they only get to access the local intranet that is controlled completely by the nation’s elite in Pyongyang.

South Korea is actually trying to determine what phone Kim Jong-un is using as if it is was a South Korean made LG or a Samsung then that would be a huge blow for the great nation north of the DMZ. Also if it was a Samsung then the marketing possibilities would be endless knowing that a leader who is hell-bent on uniting the Korea peninsula under his rule is actually using his enemy and neighbor’s branded phone. It could possibly be an iPhone, which would be a bigger twist as North Korea hate everything from the good old USA such as the American views on freedom, a capitalist state and the fact the US want to crush the Totalitarian régime. Chances are though from several sources it is more than likely a HTC phone, possible the HTC One. This comes from Taiwan and even though the Taiwanese are not exactly best buddies with North Korea they haven’t made any threat to them recently. If I was to guess I’d though Kim Jong-un would have chosen a Chinese branded smart phone such as Huawei or ThL, as China seems to be funding North Korea enough for them to play around with satellites and there is no way podgy Kim Jong-un is missing a meal thanks to the funding coming from China.

Some skeptics have said this may not even be the ‘Dear Leader’ Kim Jong-un’s phone but as the photo indicates it is directly next to him while he puffs on a cigarette with the other. Also some insiders and DPRK officials have admitted that their man on top is using a smart phone. What would Mr. Kim Jong-un use his smart phone for? Does he use it to call Beijing to ask for some further allowance? Does he enjoy playing Angry Birds and thinks about how he could adapt the skills he has learnt in that game to crush the imperialists in the US? Does he take photos of himself and uploads them up on North Korea’s own social website ‘Starvedbook’ where he is the only member? Or maybe they are designing an app so Kim Jong-un can use his touch screen phone to direct a nuclear missile at Washington DC? We can only guess.

If Kim Jong-un ever decides to open up the internet in North Korea and have access to Chinavasion, we can certainly deliver to him at an awesome wholesale price as long as he doesn’t order the delivery man to be sent to a labor torture camp for delivering the product a little late due to customs. These are some of the phones I would recommend to Kim Jong-un.

The ‘Dear Leader’ of course is number one and he needs to show that so the best way is to have the best phone, and usually the best phone has the highest price tag. This phone by Chinavasion is our most expensive, while still incredibly cheap compared to branded phones with similar specifications this phone is non branded showing that North Korea’s leader has no loyalty to any imperialistic brand.

The “Tesera” is Chinavasion’s most advanced Android phone and offers a whole array of features, which can easily compete with the top end branded phones. Powered by a 1.4GHz Samsung Exynos Quad Core CPU, the “Tesera” delivers outstanding results and takes multitasking to the next level. Browsing the internet, watching HD videos and running high demanding apps has never been smoother!

Its large 4.7 Inch IPS screen will bring all Kim Jong-un’s content to life thanks to the amazing 1280×720 HD resolution and a pixel density of 320PPI. Protected by ultra strong Gorilla Glass, the “Tesera’s” large screen has nothing to fear from scratches and dents, while the weight of the phone is kept low thanks to the advanced Gorilla Glass manufacturing technology.

Kim Jong-un can enjoy capturing and sharing his greatest moments with the 13 Megapixel camera, which delivers outstanding picture and video quality. Smooth operation of the phone is guaranteed by the 10 point capacitive screen, which senses Kim Jong-un smallest finger movement with ultimate precision. Kim Jong-un share his favorite classic music, pictures and videos that his father directed through Bluetooth, he will never get lost again at the DMZ thanks to the handy built in GPS and store all his files on the 8GB of internal memory which can be expanded to up to 32GB with a Micro SD card. On top of that, Android 4.0 Ice Cream Sandwich offers a wealthy App store with over 700.000 Apps which Kim Jong-un can download and install on his device immediately.

Sometimes the capital has no power and the winters get pretty extreme, and as the ‘Dear Leader’ likes to make his people think they are treated equal I am sure Kim Jong-un braves the harsh weather and environment for supplies. He may need a phone that is rough and rugged like his haircut. This could be another phone I would suggest to the ‘Dear Leader’.

This ultra-durable “FortisX” all-purpose android mobile phone features an internal hardened magnesium frame and 3.5mm rubberized casing that repels rain, dust, and blunt force, providing the ultimate in real world durability. This strong phone comes with Android 2.3 Gingerbread operating system to help Kim Jong-un navigate and manage Kim Jong-un contacts, messages and applications. The Google play allows Kim Jong-un to download from thousand of applications that are online. Install apps like Google Sky Map to learn about the amazing night sky on a starry night in the wild, and other fun and useful outdoors and hiking apps to make Kim Jong-un’s expenditure even more excitingThis rugged mobile phone also provides a set of outdoor tools and functions for any occasion such as a bright, built-in LED flashlight that turns on and off with the single press of a button. Also a mountaineering clasp with a magnetic compass to be attached to bag or other articles while always pointing Kim Jong-un north is included in this package. There is GPS navigation for guiding Kim Jong-un to his chosen destination that is built-in to the “FortisX” rugged Android 2.3 cell phone.

With 3G internet access allowing Kim Jong-un to surf the internet while sharing photos, upload videos and access video chat with friends when he is in the remotest corner of the world, also known as North Korea.

This phone could be exactly what Kim Jong-un needs to keep him entertained while all his workers are slaving away, I mean it is hard being a dictator when you are still in your 20s.

Upgraded to the latest Android 4.0 operating system and at our lowest price yet, Kim Jong-un can not only receive Android 4.0s latest software updates but also a 3D capacitive touch screen, giving Kim Jong-un the greatest mobile phone experience yet. Its high-spec, high quality and high powered MTK6575 chipset fuels the first spectacular 5 Point Multi-touch 540×960 QHD 3D LCD touch screen from China with an amazing array of full features including an 8MP Front Camera with flash as well as a Facetime camera!

The all new MTK6575 Chipset is considerably more powerful than ever being MTK inc,. latest Chipset. With a 1GHz Processor and 1GB RAM this Mobile offers increased speed response for browsing applications and updated improvements in processing graphic capabilities for gaming. This means that this MTK6575 chipset offers Kim Jong-un the best internet and gaming experience among Smartphones from China period!

Take entertainment to the next level and experience this incredibly astounding 4.3 Inch QHD 3D Touch screen! This Superior 4.3 inch 3D capacitive touch screen has 540×960 screen resolution making Videos, Gaming and Browsing a totally new, inspiring and spectacular spectacle. Play his favorite games taking advantage of its Proximity, Gravity and Accelerometer sensors or simply upload his first 3D Movie or Football game on its 4GB internal Memory Storage or 32GB external storage and never look back!

Now I thought this may have been one of the suspected phones that was seen with Kim Jong-un, okay the phone pictured next to him is black and this one is white but at Chinavasion the ThL range has a vast array of mobile phones in all sizes, colors and specs.

With more than 10 years of experience manufacturing Android Phones, ThL has managed to establish a broad customer base in both Europe and America. With the W7, ThL released a high end phone that features an HD screen with a higher DPI (320DPI) than most top brand’s, resulting into one of the finest viewing experiences Kim Jong-un can get on a phone! A lightning fast 1GHz Dual Core CPU provides enough power to easily multitask and run the most demanding apps without problems. Thanks to Dual SIM, Kim Jong-un can easily keep work- and private life separated by switching between two numbers on one phone.

The 5.7 inch 1280×720 super HD IPS screen delivers a crystal clear image and combined with the high pixel density of 320 DPI, Kim Jong-un will be able to watch HD movies like they were meant to be viewed. Shoot great pictures with the back 8 Megapixel camera and use the front 3.2MP camera to video call his friends. Running on Android 4.0 Ice Cream Sandwich, Kim Jong-un will be able to customize his phone like never before. Browse Google’s Play store and download any of the over 600.000 available apps like YouTube, Facebook, Angry Birds, Twitter and much more! The 4GB of internal memory can be upgraded with an external micro SD card up to 32GB, this way his phone will never run out of memory again!

Kim Jong-un may not want a traditional separate phone next time, as he lives in a fantasy world he may enjoy something that is more 007 James Bond style such as a banana that looks like a phone but can summoned the God’s of the crab people to help him overcome the US opposition in the UN. We currently are trying to source this type of technology but in the meantime we can offer Mr. Jong-un this mobile phone watch.

The “Cheetah” is a lightweight and extra durable multimedia watch phone made for those with an active lifestyle. The next time Kim Jong-un’re out jogging, hiking, or playing tennis (He is a great sport’s man, look at his body for proof), he can leave his phone at home because this unique 2-in-1 sports watch phone lets Kim Jong-un do more while carrying less!
Love jogging, hiking, tennis, working out, or other sports activities which require full use of his body? Don’t like carrying around his phone while doing so? Well the solution is here! The “Cheetah” features a sweat-resistant rubber strap and ultra lightweight design, so just Kim Jong-un can stick his SIM card inside this unique 2-in-1 sports watch phone and let’s him talk or make calls on the go a breeze! It even includes an easy-to-use and responsive touch screen for sending text messages and easily navigating through the watch phone.

With the built in MP3/MP4 media player Kim Jong-un can easily playback all of his favorite movies that his father directed, music his father composed or pictures of his mistresses, all with the quick tap of the touch screen. Just plug this watch phone into his computer’s USB port and load his favorite media files onto the micro SD card (free 2GB included). The audio can then be played through the included Bluetooth earpiece set, directly through the built in speakers, or through a set of wired earphones. And to top it off, this model even comes with a discreet pinhole camera lens just in case Kim Jong-un needs to do a little detective work on the side!

The Cheetah supports worldwide GSM frequencies so Kim Jong-un can use this watch phone anywhere in the world and remain confident that it will always work. Additional features include a calendar, to do list, text document reader, WAP internet, alarm clock, sound recorder, and much more!

With all these high quality spec phones, Kim Jong-un can throw away his old one and order a new from Chinavasion or even better he could order a mass quantity for a better deal per phone and give all his officials and some lucky families a phone too. Brought to you by the leaders in electronic devices, mobile phones and news on the ‘Dear Leader’, Chinavasion.

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6.2.2013. | 17:43
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